PROBLEM: Dad has been forced into early retirement and is now struggling with all the newfound time on his hands. Due to diminished mental capacity, he can’t just hop on the computer or start up a new task, and he is frustrated.
SOLUTION: Coming to terms with the problem. My dad is trying to forgive himself and the current circumstances which no longer allow him to do things he used to be able to do. Him personally acknowledging his limitations is the first step in him accepting this new reality; voicing his frustrations is yet another step closer. Undoubtedly, his acceptance of his current conditions will vacillate and the struggle will be ongoing.
PROBLEM: I feel unable to help him.
SOLUTION: Listening. Giving the person with Alzheimer’s an opportunity to express their emotions and frustrations is gracious and kind and valuable. Even though listening might not offer a direct solution to the problem at hand, it gives the person with Alzheimer’s validation that they are important, that their life is worth living and talking about, and it reassures them that we are listening and will be their advocate in the coming days. Uncovering how they feel and why will be key in helping you make decisions in the future that are based on their wishes and attitudes about life and about death.
FRANK: Due to my mental illness, the Alzheimer’s that I have been diagnosed with, that I’m not capable of doing everything that I used to be able to do. And that bore itself out quite adequately in the work environment where recently I’ve just retired, and I wasn’t anywhere near as effective as I had been in the past, not as outgoing, not as thorough, follow up on details and so forth, and it was a trying experience and something that we just didn’t understand what was going on.
JOLEEN: From my perspective, you were kind of in a position where you had to retire before you were truly ready in your heart for it.
FRANK: Yep.
JOLEEN: And you’re trying to fill your days and make everyday mean something, but you’re struggling with the positive and negative of everything.
FRANK: Yea, it’s tough. Different days I have different feelings, and throughout the days the feelings change to, from remorse to what am I going to do now, to try to read, or if I try to tackle something that would be work-wise or computer-wise, quite often I get frustrated with it because my mind isn’t working like it had in the past. And so I’ll just give up on that and I’ll turn to something else on my desk and try to get started on that, and within five minutes or so I’m giving up on that program as well. And so that’s part of what the day is about.
